How to Get a Date
Every great relationship starts with a fantastic first date. In fact, some of them start with pretty disastrous first dates, but regardless of the experience, the date has to happen. That’s where most people run into difficulty. They all agree that the first date can be the first step in an incredible romantic journey, but getting the first date is another problem entirely.
So, we’ve dedicated an entire blog today to help you figure out that all-important question, “How do I get a date?” There’s no comprehensive universal formula, unfortunately, that can solve this problem, but there are definitely things you can do to help the process along.
How Do I Get a Date?
1. Go to Places Where Your Age Group Hangs Out
Your best chance of hitting it off with someone is to connect with people the same age as you. To do that, you need to be wherever they are. It may seem counterintuitive to some people but the best place to start is usually a local bar or club. There is usually a more relaxed and carefree atmosphere in these places that is conducive to striking up conversation, flirtation and gaining that first spark that could light the fires of a great relationship.
Of course, bars are not everybody’s scene, though there are typically many types from which you can choose, depending on what size and population of city you are living in. Alternatively, you could try a coffee shop, bookstore, or other places where there are going to be like-minded single people also hoping to make a connection.
2. Break the Ice Online
If the idea of connecting with someone for the first time in a “real-world” scenario is just too much, then don’t panic. Online dating apps and websites are a great place to break the ice, make that essential first contact and build a foundation on which to build something. Despite the bad rap that online dating has gotten over the years, it’s more viable than ever in the modern context with more people than ever comfortable to put their real selves into cyberspace.
Sift through the unknowns and connect with people who are a match with you to get the ball rolling. You might find it speeds up the process of getting that first date. Use some polite small talk, keep it light and see if the topic of a meet-up and date comes up naturally.
3. Ask Family or Friends to Make Introductions
Many people claim that they hate being set up, but the truth is that our family-and-friends circle is more useful than we know. It is quite possible that there’s a great match just one or two degrees of separation away, and all that is needed is for someone you already know to make the introductions. Many of us have single friends who we don’t think of romantically ourselves, but might be a great introduction for someone else we know. Tap into that network and you may just uncover some hidden treasures.
4. Find Ways to Get into the World
You may have heard the expression “put yourself out there.” It may sound a bit cliché, but there’s still a lot of truth and value in this idea. In our first suggestion above, we suggested that you get to the places in which you’ll find others in your age group. In the wider context, you really just need to make yourself more visible to the world to help that romantic connection come along.
Why not volunteer at a local charity, or take evening classes, or play sports with a local amateur club or group? The most important thing is to take the things you love like your hobbies, connect with the local organisations and clubs, and then attend as much as you can. When you think about it, it does make perfect sense. If your passion is reading, then surely a local book club is a good place to meet a like-minded person.
5. Think About Music Festivals or Fan Conventions
Two more good ways to combine fun social events and a good chance of meeting someone new is at a music festival or a fan convention. These are great because you don’t have to go with any expectation, and can lose yourself in the fun of the event even if you don’t make a romantic connection with someone new. This means you can put yourself out there but in a more low-risk fashion.
Fellow music and TV/film/comic book fans come with a built-in plus which is that you know from the get-go that they share one of your interests. That’s the perfect ice breaker and the best way to start off any relationship. It provides a huge scope for conversation, from which you can then see if anything else blossoms.
6. Chat Up a Stranger
This one is certainly the most terrifying of all the propositions we mention in today’s blog. You might think this only happens in movies, but like all of art, those movies are rooted in some measure of reality. Striking up a conversation with a stranger on public transport, in the park, in a bookstore or some other public place can actually be a very romantic shortcut to a guaranteed first date.
The best way to do this is through some basic “cold reading” where you try to find something in common with that person based purely on observation. In a coffee shop, it might be something in their coffee order that’s similar to your own. You might see them looking at a book you’ve read before in the bookstore. We’ll be frank here, it’s a terrifying and gut-wrenching moment opening your mouth to say those first words, but once you’re over that first hurdle, it can get much easier.
7. Suggest an Activity
Sometimes, you strike up a conversation with someone new, but you’re not sure how to land your discussion on the topic of a date. It can get awkward as you try to steer the conversation in that direction but to no avail. The best way around this is to instead avoid the word “date” altogether. Sometimes it can be the nervous charge surrounding the ‘D word’ that can be very off-putting. Instead, just go straight to suggesting an activity that the two of you might do together.
“I’m going to that convention next week, maybe we could meet up there?”
“I was planning a game of badminton on Saturday but my friend bailed just this morning, I don’t suppose you’d be interested?”
It sends a clear message that you want to see this person and spend time with them, but avoids the dreaded word, “date.” If the other person feels the same way or senses the connection, they’ll respond positively. If they don’t, you can chalk it up to “it wasn’t meant to be.”
8. Keep in Touch
A classic mistake people make is forgetting to share their phone number or other contact information so that they can keep in touch with another person. If you like the person and you want a chance to see them again, then you need to be bold enough to ask for that number or volunteer it. The Hollywood notion that you’ll just run into them again within the next few days just doesn’t happen in the real world. To get that date, you need a way to keep in touch.
How to Get a Second Date
When things have gone well on the first date, it’s a good idea to keep the momentum going by suggesting and agreeing on a second date. There are several things you can do to secure the all-important second date. First, it’s crucial that you stay positive and consistent in your “authentic” self during your first date.
Your positivity is contagious and it will help your date to respond positively to you, too. Being authentic and confident in who you really are is also a very attractive quality. Most people can spot a fraud from a thousand miles off. Trying to pass yourself off as the perfect person with the perfect life is more likely to backfire.
Second, make sure you are actively listening during your first date. This doesn’t mean smiling and nodding while saying “hmm, uh-uh, oh? Wow, yeah,” at the right moment. When you are present, listening and absolutely engaged with your date, there is a chance for a real connection to be formed and that is the key to locking in a second date with that person.
Finally, another thing you can do is bring up the second date during the first one, preferably as the first one is just getting into full swing and spirits are high. Most people who are successful in getting second dates don’t wait for the first one to be over before asking for the next one. In fact, asking in the middle of the first date after the ice is well and truly broken can be easier than asking the next day or later.
Getting a Date: Don’t Overthink
The final piece of advice we could give anyone trying to secure either a first or second date is not to overthink the situation too much. Be yourself, stay positive, and don’t shrink into yourself when things go wrong. Every mistake in the dating world is an invaluable lesson. Reflect and grow from each experience.
No relationship will just happen overnight. It takes a bold step; a leap of faith from both parties. You have to be willing to put yourself out there if you want to get the date and use it as the first page in a great relationship story.