Few things in life are quite as nerve-racking as a first date. When your head is spinning with questions about what to wear, where to go, what to talk about and whether you will actually have anything in common, making a good first impression isn’t easy.
But whether it’s your first time getting back out there in a while, or you’ve been testing the waters for some time, we want to offer some help to make your first date exactly what it should be: an exciting fresh start with someone new.
Key takeaways
- Pick a venue where you can actually talk – save the cinema for later, and choose a relaxed pub, coffee shop or activity where conversation comes first.
- Wear something that fits the setting and feels like your own clothes, rather than a costume you can’t wait to take off.
- Treat the conversation like a game of tennis rather than a job interview, keeping things balanced and leaving heavy ex-partner monologues at home.
- Forget the ‘3-day rule’: if you enjoyed yourself, send a warm, straightforward message the next day.
1. Make a Plan
No matter how your first date came to be – whether from a chance encounter at the local coffee shop, matching on one of the dating apps, or an introduction through a friend – the most important thing is to treat it as the wonderful opportunity that it is. A first date is a chance to meet someone new, to see if some sparks fly, and to find out if it could be the start of something wonderful.
That being said, to make sure the first date goes well, it might take a little more than winging it. Though spontaneity is something that might make the actual date flourish, the time before takes some effort.
What to Do on a First Date
Deciding on what to do for a first date is actually one of the best ways to express, somewhat subtly, your own interests. The best spot is somewhere you can hear each other think and actually get to know the person across from you. With that in mind, a first date should almost never be a trip to the cinema. Even if you love films, sitting in silence in the dark for two hours isn’t a great way to talk to someone. While it can work as a bonus stop later on, it’s rarely a good focal point.
However, that doesn’t mean the only other option is a formal three-course dinner. While a sit-down meal can be wonderful for some, it isn’t the right choice for everyone, especially if the idea of being locked into a two-hour bill with a stranger makes you tense. If it’s not for you, don’t feel trapped in that routine. Be open about a more relaxed idea that suits you better. First dates should be flexible – they should expand to fit your interests, or your prospective partner’s interests.
You could invite them for a low-pressure coffee, a pint in a quiet pub, a round of crazy golf, or a wander around a weekend food market or art gallery. Whatever you choose, just make sure easy conversation comes before anything else.
What to Wear on a First Date
Whether you’re the one choosing the venue or you’ve been invited somewhere, a little preparation goes a long way. When we say prepare, it doesn’t mean dressing up like someone else just to impress the other person – it means expressing yourself in a way that feels comfortable while still suiting the setting.
When deciding on what to wear for a first date, it should always be what you feel most confident in. As the old saying goes, ‘when you look good, you feel good.’
Nobody but you can determine what feels right on you, and the most attractive thing someone can wear is genuine ease in their own skin. Beyond hard-and-fast rules about a specific dress or a freshly ironed shirt, wear the clothes that make you feel both comfortable and confident. A quick glance at the venue online beforehand helps too: turning up to a cosy neighbourhood pub in full cocktail attire – or to a smart wine bar in muddy trainers – will only give you something extra to fret about.
2. Make an Impression
While it isn’t the only thing that matters, your first impression on a date makes a real difference and sets the tone for the first half hour. That being said, it isn’t the be-all and end-all if you stumble over your first sentence. Like any other encounter, it simply starts with a warm greeting.
How to Greet a First Date
A first date is often a nervous situation for both parties, and a good way to think about it is like a book. The greeting is the cover, while the whole date is the book itself. Before the end of the night, you’ll each get a sense of the actual story, not just the cover (hopefully the first of a series!). Even if you feel a bit shy, try to be as approachable and open as you can when you first spot each other – comfort is built quickest with a warm smile and a simple “It’s lovely to meet you in person.”
How to Act on a First Date
Just like the greeting, the best way to act on the first date is friendly. Polite. Welcoming. Mind your manners, be open to listening and learning about this person, but also remember that they’re there to learn about you too. However, above all else, be yourself.
Maybe don’t dump all of your history on them in the first twenty minutes, and definitely don’t put your past relationship baggage on their shoulders – nobody wants to feel like an unpaid therapist over their starter. Be comfortable expressing who you are, as long as you do so with warmth and curiosity about them too. The same goes for when the bill arrives: offering to split it, or gracefully accepting if they insist on getting the first round while you offer to get the next, keeps things relaxed and avoids an awkward standoff over the card machine.
What to Talk About on a First Date
While you can think about conversation topics in the planning stage, you don’t need a rehearsed script. You can keep a few interests in mind, but good conversations work best naturally – they dip and rise and flow around shared curiosities.
You can’t be sure of someone’s exact interests ahead of time, so you have to feel things out. When it comes to first-date chat, a good rule of thumb is to keep things relatively light at first and swap open questions rather than firing off a checklist. Instead of “Do you like your job?”, try asking, “What do you enjoy doing when you’ve got a free weekend?” or “What’s the best thing you’ve watched or read lately?” It gives the other person room to talk about what actually excites them.
But if pouring everything out is a part of you, as someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, don’t be afraid to show that. People can surprise you—be open to letting them surprise you.
3. See if There’s a Connection
Not every first date is going to make sparks fly. Sometimes you feel something natural and good, and sometimes you don’t. You can’t really plan for how you’ll feel during a first date, but you should try to pay attention to it. A great sign that a first date is going well is that the whirlwind in your mind settles down a little bit. It quiets suddenly and you find yourself simply interested, living and laughing in the present moment – because suddenly, there isn’t anywhere else you’d rather be.
Green flags
- The conversation moves both ways – they ask follow-up questions and actually listen to your answers.
- You feel your shoulders drop after the first fifteen minutes and stop monitoring the clock.
- They treat the bar or waiting staff with warmth and basic courtesy.
Red flags
- Every topic somehow loops back to their ex, their grievances or a twenty-minute monologue about themselves.
- They keep checking their phone on the table while you are mid-sentence.
- They push past your boundaries – whether about having another drink, staying out late or getting personal too quickly.
Make the Moments Last
To expand on living in those moments, if you feel a genuine connection with someone, don’t be afraid to extend the date a little. If things are flowing well as you finish up, now is the time to be spontaneous. Say you went for an early meal or a drink – why not ask if they fancy grabbing a coffee, sharing a pudding somewhere nearby, or taking a short stroll before heading for the train?
Be Honest with Yourself
Whether this happens towards the end of the date, or on the journey home afterwards, you will eventually have to ask yourself whether you’d like to see this person again. Do you want to get to know them more? Was there something that connected you? Did you laugh? Did you have fun? Did they make you happy to be around? Did they let you, for a moment, forget some of the harder things in life or make those things feel a little lighter?
Whatever questions you have to ask, be honest in asking them. While not every first date is going to be that wonderful connection, don’t self-sabotage the ones that might be!
Follow Up on a First Date
Once you know how you feel, how do you follow up? You might mention at the end of the night that you’d love to do it again, or – as most people in the UK prefer now – send a quick WhatsApp or text message the next day rather than catching them off guard with an unannounced phone call.
There aren’t any rigid rules on timing either. The old ‘3-day rule’ doesn’t need to exist – playing hard to get usually just reads as lukewarm interest. If you genuinely want to see the person again, say so plainly. A simple message the next day works wonders: “I had a lovely time yesterday – thanks again for the drink. Would you fancy meeting up again next week?” And if the spark wasn’t there for you, it is always kinder to be clear rather than vanishing: “It was really nice meeting you yesterday, though I didn’t quite feel a romantic spark. Wishing you all the best out there!”
Keep Things in Perspective
It’s completely understandable that first dates can feel daunting. Meeting someone new always takes nerve, and meeting someone you hope to connect with romantically takes even more. Thankfully, you don’t need a faultless performance – there are just a few simple things to keep in mind.
The most important among them is to be yourself. If the date goes well only because you spent two hours pretending to be someone you’re not, then you haven’t made an honest connection – and an honest connection is the only solid foundation to build from. Regardless of what you wear or where you go, just remember to be kind and show up as you are. If it doesn’t work out with that person, or if the chemistry simply isn’t there, that’s completely okay.
On some first dates sparks will fly, but not every date has that magic. The important thing to remember is if the spark is there, even the smallest one, be open to letting it grow.
